Dragon!...or just winged spawn of Satan?

So as luck would have it last week the washing machine took a dump. Some sort of pandemic has the bat rastard Murphy's knickers in a twist and all appliance are on a global backlog. 2-3 month wait time for a washer....aint happenin! Melissa does a whole search and destroy mission scanning the web and dark web, battling satellite's and foreign governments....I'm sure some lives were lost but she managed one through Best Buy with a week lead time. We made due. So the other day I wake up, wipe out a pot of coffee and get to the day at hand. Step outside and glance up the yard as my spidey senses are tinglin to see a nice 350-400 pound black bear giving me the curious look-over.....If only I knew some....I digress. She yells out that the washer showed a day early and we should make a run. The run is dropping the kiddos off at the grandparents, pick up the washer and grab a bite of fish. Good time and simple. Yay me! It all goes as planned, got home, unboxed, removed old, installed the new, burped fish a few times and all is well as the first load of the weeks backlog gets underway 20 minutes flat.....I'm feelin good about it all. Time to take a seat and relax for a few minutes..................*flit*......huh?.........*flit*........SWTH?......CRAP!!!

At this point I'm seeing how a good day can stop and get thrown in the trash in a split second! Somewhere in all the ins and outs, doors being swung and propped...etc, etc, etc.. the fiercest of all dragons/winged spawn of Satan himself, entered our abode to lay siege. Not your typical bat from PA in the 6-8" range, no sir, this sucker was as big as my hand and a foot plus in span. Well my damsel went into full distress mode.....I'm factual about this part 110%, cowering, shaking and screaming, huddling and quivering with the golden retriever under a blanket on the couch. Full on melt down. I have since been waiting on a call from the guys doing project Blue Book because I'm sure at this point her screams were heard on the ISS and for certain she was communicating with aliens!

I at this point am forced to be the hero....<---FORCED! I hate bats as much as anyone and this sucker had teeth! I weighed the options and all but crawled to the door, opened wide, shoved a flip-flop under to prop and reached for the outside broom. The games are about to begin! I went full stealth mode and worked my way back to the kitchen..... I spent the next 10 minutes either attempting a gay ballet or my own version of the teenage mutant ninja turtles with a broom dashing and nearly prancing my way back and forth after this beast! My lovely wife during all of this is keeping pace with her screams everytime I swing and miss. I finally swat the creature to the ground for what I hope to be the last time......brief pause.......NOPE! It somehow managed to pull off a dragon ball Z power up move and sprung back to life! A few more laps and apparently it was time for a break. It flew into my utility room and landed behind the furnace on the OSB wall........Bad move! It was at this very moment physics lessons sprung into my head and the reality that the 357 was within arm reach as was the snake-shot......BWAHAHAHA!!!! subliminal evil laugh from within. In a flash, it was loaded leveled off and the trigger squeezed!

Now I swear it was not the fish workin already nor did I lose control of any functions I hold dear. Plain and simple, snake shot stinks! A quick , loud explosion and the creature was vanquished.....the stench took hours to rid the house of. I swept up and scooped up with a paper plate my creature of darkness and disposed of...honestly without any torture to the misses, the carcass. The snake shot has a very short range of any kind of damage and at 3 feet did little but kill the bat and made a small hand sized clean spot on the wood, not a scratch.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy seeing the creatures around the place.....OUTSIDE!

Half hour later, finally starting to wind down and appreciate the lighter side of the ordeal, I point out that I was actually quite lucky in all this.....the wife looked shocked at this so I explained, yes, I was lucky she was too busy screaching at owls to grab her phone and post up my stellar moves....Haters got to hate!

Next Day the wife and I have mellowed a bit to the situation and I explain that though she may laugh all she wants at me terminating the dragon of the night with extreme prejudice with no damage to house or those of the home, it coulda been worse!.....she paused and gave me a look of odd wonderment. I simply smiled and pointed at another bear waltzing across the yard.......Now if I only could find someone to help m.......again. We could be remodeling after a dance with one of them in a kitchen!